"Innocence"....

Daily, I wish I could protect my children's innocence. I wish I could shield them from the harshness of this world. I wish I could always protect their hearts, their minds, their souls. I wish they knew nothing of the sin, brokenness, and ugliness of this world. I wish I didn't have to tell them that they can't trust everyone, and that there are people in this world who are not good. I wish they knew no sadness, experienced no loss, and lived carefree and happy all of the time. That is Heaven though, and not Earth. As long as they live on this Earth, they will experience all that we experience - they will break hearts and their hearts will be broken. We are doing our best, by God's grace and His wisdom, to train them how to deal with life's blows and hardships. We are trying to teach them how to keep breathing and keep climbing out of the valleys of life.  If you have never experienced suffering personally, or your children never have, it's only a matter of time before you do. Not a one of us can escape this world unscarred in some form. This is not meant to be a sad and "woe is me" post, but an authentic one. I can only protect my children from so much - they have a Heavenly Father who can protect them far more than I can. But, I do have a job to teach them how to respond to the "heat" of this life....., how to be in the fire, but not be consumed. My Dad always told us growing up, and even now at times when we feel overwhelmed by the "heat" of this life to simply, "find the coolest spot in the heat". There is alot of Biblical truth to that statement I believe. The Bible is the "coolest spot in the heat". I am thankful for God's Word that I can keep directing them back to, along with myself, to keep us grounded in TRUTH, when emotionally many times we all just want to fall apart.  

"Fear NOT, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name and you are MINE. Therefore, when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:2, 3 

Recently, Elijah Brooks has become more vocal about losing his Aunt. He is in the midst of suffering right now, and the heat around his little heart is hot. He is trying his best to sort through this, and to navigate the deep waters of grief in his heart. I can't write down every conversation that we have about it, but there are daily conversations - 100% started by him. He wants to talk, he wants to ask questions, he wants to remember, he wants to mourn, and he needs to do all of these things....., so I am available to him. I do keep directing him back to God's Word assuring Him that God is close to the brokenhearted, that He has promised that we are not going to walk through this alone, and that we will not be overcome by this suffering......, truthfully, there are times when I am having to tell him these things by sheer determination of my will and my core beliefs, what I KNOW to be true....., even when I don't "feel it".  But it is TRUTH, whether or not we "feel it" or not at times.  That is the essence of faith, and that is what is getting us through this valley. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (or feel), Hebrews 11:1 

A few days ago I heard him crying in his room. I went to check on him and asked him what was wrong. He said, "you know mommy, the same thing that's always wrong, the same thing I always cry about"......, all completely unprompted by me, and I still do not know if anything in particular brought this on that day.  But really, he is like the rest of us...., doesn't really matter if anything in particular brings it on or not. It's grief, and there is no roadmap, and sometimes you just feel like crying.  Well, today he was outside doing some chalk drawing and I went out and asked him what he was drawing....., his response, "I am drawing the Ovarian Cancer racetrack" (we did a walk last year, and will do it annually in support of funding for research). He was very meticulous about his drawing and knew exactly what he was doing. And then he said, "I am drawing this for Aunt". Never in my imagination would I have ever thought I would hear the words "ovarian cancer" come out of my 4 year old's mouth. I wish I could protect him always....., but the fact is, that is now a part of his vocabulary. I wish he knew nothing of suffering, but he does. I wish that this world was not so harsh, but it is. But, this world is not our home....., and that is the TRUTH I will continue teaching my children and pray that God would cause it to take root in their hearts. I pray God will help our children as they grow, to see that they are merely strangers passing through this foreign land, and that it will give them courage  to face the "heat" of this life. 

The "Ovarian Cancer Racetrack", drawn by Elijah Brooks, age 4 1/2 

"We love you Bizzy"!!

Elizabeth Anne, otherwise known to our children as "Bizzy", has quickly become one of our favorite girls in the world. She has a heart as big as the sea, loves Jesus more than any other teenager that I have ever known, and will bend over backwards to serve our family in any way that we need. She even serves us in ways that we don't know that we need until she has already done it and then we realize how much we really needed it! She sends me texts every day with words of encouragement, special scripture verses, and ways that she is praying for our family. At the tender age of 14, she has already been so instrumental in supporting me this year as I walk through my journey of grief. God has uniquely given her a heart and mind that is intuitive to the needs of others. She sees a need and then seeks for ways to fulfill it. I have seen her not only do this for my family, but for many others as well. Her name is right next to the word "servant" in the dictionary! She is being trained by her parents to look to the needs of others more than her own, but she is also listening and submitting to the Holy Spirit's promptings in her own heart.  She is wise beyond her years, yet still growing, and I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do in and through her.  She has very quickly found a place in our family and we all love her and appreciate her so much!

Elijah Brooks has a special love for her. A child knows when they are loved, and he knows he is. Yesterday on the way home from his soccer game, she was sitting next to him in the backseat when out of nowhere we heard, "Bizzy, I think we should go on a date. Your mom can drive us, and I think we should go to Birmingham to see my cousins. What do you think"?   It was as innocent, precious and heartfelt as I have ever heard him speak. It was his way of saying how much he loves her and wants to be with her.

Bizzy, we ALL love you and are so thankful to have you a part of our family!!

"Ellison, 15 months".....

I am slightly behind - she is turning 16 months next week, but it's all good. Just trying to get some of the highlights down on paper for my own memory.  As usual, I will leave out so much, but hopefully this will capture a good bit of where she is at this point in her little life.

Her personality is very consistent - happy, carefree, loving life and people.  She will occasionally squat down on the floor in protest now if she doesn't get "her way" but not every time. I can usually redirect her pretty well to avoid some of that. But generally speaking, she is very low key and happy. She loves other children and watches them intently. Her nickname is "El belle", and her brother calls her, "Ella". She continues to "give love"to us every time she goes to bed - she now does it without us prompting her. She continues to be a little "book worm", slamming down about 10 books in our laps anytime she wants us to read to her. She will walk around carrying a stack of books double her size wanting us to read to her. I have been known to have 17 books in my lap at one time, all that she has plopped down in my lap, then crawls up into the chair with me to read! Continues to love her bed - loves getting in and lying down. She has not fought a nap or bedtime yet - loves to just be put down. Her new thing this month is that she likes to "wave goodnight" to everything in her room before going to bed. She will do her sweet little sideways wave to her pictures, her fan, her curtains, her CD player, her changing table and diapers, her initials on the wall,  her closet, and her overstuffed brown bear.  After she has waved goodnight to them, I will say, "and goodnight mommy", to which she lays her head down on my shoulder for one last love, and is then ready to lie down. That has become a really sweet ritual at bedtime. She sleeps from about 7:00pm - 6:30/7:00am every night. She still takes 2 naps a day....., 9:00am-11:00am, and then around 2:00-3:00 or 3:30.  I love it! I know she will be dropping her morning nap at some point in the near future, but for now, it's fantastic. She climbs on everything, and uses whatever she can to get some leverage to hoist herself up! We have had MANY falls because of this newfound love of hers. She has already had some really nasty falls - much than than her older brother has had. It doesn't seem to stop her though - which is kind of scary! She loves to sit with EB and watch "Praise Baby". She LOVES her brother, follows him around everywhere, wants to do everything he does, wants to sit with him, roll on him, and give him hugs constantly. They really are sweet friends, and I pray they will be the best of friends one day. She eats everything, and seems to enjoy it. She is quite independent with her eating and does not like for me to cut anything up for her - but I still do. She still loves animals - loves them.  Squeals with delight every time she sees one. She has been much sicker than her brother ever was as an infant - guessing it's because she has an older brother who is out and about more. But, she has already had stomach flu, several colds, 1 ear infection, RSV, and FLU.  She got her first wasp sting (today actually), on her finger.  It swelled and was painful to her - she kept walking around pointing to it and then looking at me. That's pitiful. She is beginning to really respond to music that she recognizes. She will stop in her tracks, say, "ahhhh", and put her finger up to her ear as if to listen. It is usually some Chris Tomlin song thanks to her big brother! She knows "pat a cake", and is beginning to learn, "head, shoulders, knees, and toes".  She understands nearly everything we tell her now - it is mind boggling really what she understands and how quickly she is computing everything she is hearing. She is very responsive, and very communicative. She has been able to understand so much, but is just now beginning to be able to verbally respond, which is so fun. She repeats everything we say, some of it sounds the same, but other things are very distinct. She loves shoes!  She likes to choose her own pair (yes, already at 15 months she is choosing shoes), and will bring them to me, and then run to the door. She knows that "shoes on" mean she is going somewhere. She continues to be very compliant in the car - doesn't mind being in the car or being in her carseat too much. Now on a long trip (which we haven't done), that may be a different story. But around town, she doesn't mind at all.  She loves balls - loves to throw them and roll them. Think she may like balls more than her brother! Still loves "blanks and paci" - and tries to fish them out of her bed anytime she can! Still trying hard to limit her paci time to naptime and bedtime use only - but will let that slide if she is sick. She still likes milk, but doesn't drink it nearly as much as she used to. Still just drinks water, and a few cups of milk a day. She loves to drink out of a straw - she gets so happy every time! She can climb up the ladder to the swingset now unassisted (alittle scary for me and I make sure I am right there), and take herself down the slide now alone. Still not a huge fan of the swing - will swing for about 2 minutes before she says, "all done". Everytime she drops something or spills something, she says, "uh oh".  Recently she will come find me if she notices that the cats have made a mess. I will ask her to show me where, and she will gladly lead me to wherever the problem is, will point to it and say, "uh oh"!  Every time she walks past the litter box in the laundry room she says some form of "yuck" and makes what sounds like a cat hissing sound! She is learning that it for sure one area of the house that is off limits! Anytime I have my cup of coffee with me she says, "hot".

I am going to try to recall some of the words that she says now in her own phonetic:
1. "splish splash" - "pih pah"
2. "apple" - "appah"
3. "banana" - "nah nah"
4. "shoe" - "schooooo"
5. "car"  - "cah"
6. "Ellison" - "Ehson"
7. "Brother" - "Baba"
8. "Bebe" - Baba"
9. "E-daddy" - "E-dah"
10. "cracker" - "cakuh"
11. '"church" - "chuh"
12. "school" -"oohl"
13. "supper" - "supuh"
14. "fig newton" - "nut nut"
15. "outside" - "ah ah" (pronounced a, as in "hat")
16. "cat" - "cah"
17. "pasta" - "pas tah"
18. "head" - "heh"
19. "eggs" - "ehs"
20. "phone" - "pone"
21. "star" - "stah"
22. "bye bye"
23. "uh oh"
24. "Daddy"
25. "Momma"
26. "Papa"
27. "diaper" - "piper"
28. "brown bear" - "ba ba"
29. "spoon" -"poon"
30. "waffle" -"fahhhfle"
31. "cereal bar" - "bah"
32. "hot corn" - "ha cah"
33. "milk" - "mih"

She can tell us what the cow, sheep, pig, duck, and chicken say.

I know I am forgetting something.  Oh well, if I think about it I will add to the list.  That's a good start for now.

Our sweet girl continues to bring more smiles to her mommy's face than I ever thought possible over this past year. I cried tonight rocking her, thanking her for making me smile when some days, it's all I can do to muster a smile. But God is using you, my sweet daughter, to minister to my aching heart. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used for His glory - don't ever stop!  I love you!!

Playing in the rain

Watching the baseball game

Miss Priss on the field! 

Here she is, sitting with Ramon, one of our players on our disabilities baseball league 

Might be one of my favorite pictures of all times - he loved her so much, and she was just as content as she could be sitting next to him. 

"Bike Fun"....

Ahhhh...., spring!  It's wonderful, and awful at the same time (that is, if you suffer from allergies like we all do)!  But that doesn't stop this family from enjoying being outside - we just take our meds and go.  Last week, we enjoyed an "8 man" bike ride around the neighborhood and had a blast.  It was alittle tricky at times trying to keep up with everyone and stay on the correct side of the road, but we managed, and managed to have alot of fun along the way. Jay led the pack, along with Bebe, EB, and Bradford. E-daddy and Wyatt stayed in the middle, and Ellison and I were the caboose.  I see much more of this in this family's future, now that everyone can ride unassisted.  I have a feeling my little determined daughter will pick this skill up in no time, but for now, she enjoys riding in her trailer!  And I personally enjoy not having to keep up with her yet!!

"Spring is Here"!

Spring is here, and so is soccer, baseball, and pollen!  EB is playing soccer, but is helping "coach" a local disabilities baseball league with Jay.  He did this last year too and really enjoyed it, and we thought it would be a really good experience for him. With both mine and Jay's experience with special needs, we knew we would always want our children to be involved in some way also. We love it!  EB has grown so much since last year and his comfort level is higher and I was so proud of him this past week for striking up conversations with several of the players on our team. Oh, and the players loved him and Ellison so much!  Most of EB's "coaching" responsibilities involved talking to the players and running after stray balls etc....., but the pitcher lets him hit a few times each game, which is always exciting for him. As far as soccer, we had to change leagues this year, but we are absolutely loving our new coach and new league - it has been a great experience so far and EB is really enjoying it. His team is called the "Sandpipers" - kind of had to get him excited about the team name though!  He really wanted to be something really tough like a wolf or tiger - but I have been playing up the fact that sandpipers run super fast, and that has helped somewhat!  Okay, and here's just to prove how nerdy I am, I actually looked up sandpipers online and found that they "are quite agile on the ground and display a high degree of coordination while running".  And I think my boy makes a very good, and fast, little sandpiper.

Here's to a fun Spring being outside, and taking lots of Zyrtec!

This is Piglet!  I love this dog.  She is one of the "assistance dogs" that will come to each baseball game. Some of the players like to have her walk with them to the bases.  I think Piglet could use a few laps around the baseball field! Yes, she has a bandana on her head and pink toenails. 

EB becoming good friends with Matt, one of our players

"Dolly", another assistance dog 

El's reaction to the dogs - she is definitely an animal lover 

"Coach" checking out his team 

EB's turn to bat

She adored Ellison - and her favorite thing to do was wave to her from the field, and then run to put her paci in her mouth, whether or not she wanted it! 

My "Sandpiper"

This is Ellison most of her waking moments. I don't think her feet hardly ever touch the ground!  She is on the move, and is so fast, and dances on her tip-toes everywhere. 

He was serious in this picture!  Had no idea the look of determination on his face in the moment. 

Team devotional at the half 

Just enjoying the game, and I am enjoying a free second not to be chasing her off the field!