I had a fabulous Mother's Day weekend! It started off early on Friday morning when Jay and I hit the road together to drive to Charlotte, NC. Jay is graduating from Seminary next weekend, and this past Friday night, the school was hosting a special banquet for the graduates, their wives, and professors. Since we received our call minister in AL, it required Jay to leave Seminary one semester earlier than his classmates. We both developed such wonderful relationships with this Senior class. I was equally as close to the wives of these men as Jay was to his friends. This group of Seniors is especially close and it was important to Jay to be able to attend this banquet with his friends. We drove 6 hours to Charlotte, attended the banquet, spent the night with dear friends back in the town we just moved from, visited with about 8 couples from our previous church the next morning, and drove 6 hours back to AL on Saturday! It was a whirlwind of a trip, but it was fantastic. We knew the drive was long and we were only going to be there about 24 hours, so we made the choice to let Elijah Brooks stay with his grandparents overnight for the first time without us. I was so anxious about leaving him for the 1st time, but I knew he was going to be more than fine. I was more worried about me than him! He did amazingly well when we pulled out of the driveway - I cannot say the same about me though :) When we arrived home on Saturday night, he actually cried like his heart was going to break when we left my parents! He was so sad to leave his Bebe and E-Daddy. We were shocked actually - all of us - that he reacted that way. But after a few minutes, I think he realized that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be so bad to hang around with afterall.
At the Banquet on Friday night, it was so amazing to watch these men who are all studying to go into various ministries, stand up and give testimonies of what the Lord has done in their lives during their time in Seminary. When you receive the call from the Lord to go to Seminary in the first place, you just have to be prepared for alot of sacrifices to be made. It's not a life of comfort. It's easy to forget that other people sacrificed just as much, if not more, than you. It was so humbling to listen to all of the stories of how these men and their wives/children arrived at Seminary, what the Lord has taught them, and now see where all of the "seeds" are being scattered. Just in our small group of close friends, the following places will be where various ministries will be taking place: AL, PA, NC, SC, UT, OK, VA, and Scotland. I just love that! Some of our dear friends are moving to UT (one month after the birth of their first child in June), to Utah to minister to the Mormon community. Another couple is taking off to VA to do RUF campus ministry. The list goes on and on. It's just so humbling that the Lord is using all of us for his Kingdom work. We are all just broken vessels, men and women with clay feet, who have no good in us except for Christ Jesus.
I was thankful to be back with my baby on Mother's Day. He and his Daddy picked out a super cool sports watch for me and EB gave me the sweetest card :) My dear mother cooked a wonderful lunch (she said she wanted to cook), for my family and my grandparents were all able to eat with us. It was a special time...., I just wish I had had more time to enjoy lunch. I had to "eat and run" because I was singing a concert after lunch at a local church. My mom was able to attend the concert though, so at least we were "kind of" together!
Mother's Day is such a special day, although it is a difficult day for so many as well. There are so many women and men who have lost their mothers all too soon, who are watching their mothers suffer through illness or tragedy, who don't know who their mother is, who do not have a relationship with their mother, women who are battling infertility and long for children, who have had a child and lost a child, and so many other situations. I could not help but think of so many women for whom this day brought grief and many tears. Still there are others who are celebrating today because their mother is a survivor, they are holding the child/children they longed for in their arms, they have a beautiful relationship with their mother, and they have "spiritual mothers" that have helped them through life. I tried very hard to focus on the day and thank God for my own dear mother, my precious mother in-law, my "spiritual mothers", my dear child who is in Heaven, and my sweet, sweet Elijah Brooks who is in my arms today. I feel such a dichotomy of emotions today...., grief and celebration...., but most of all thankfulness.
I was asked to write a Mother's Day article last year when Elijah Brooks was only 6 months old for our church's monthly newsletter. I didn't post it last year for various reasons, but I am going to post it this year. I know that I need all of the encouragement as a mother that I can get - and certainly need constant reminders of who I am in Christ. I hope that many of your will find encouragement for your weary souls as we all strive towards being Godly women raising Godly children.
Every two months, I take my son Elijah Brooks to the pediatrician for his check up. At each visit, his doctor always takes his measurements which include his weight, length, and his head circumference. These measurements are important because they tell me if he is growing properly.
As you look at a mother’s life, you will see that we are constantly measuring. We measure milk in a bottle, medicine in a syringe, ingredients as we prepare meals for our families, detergent as we wash clothes, and much more. We also measure ourselves against other mothers and we measure our children’s milestones and accomplishments against other children. We want to see how well we are doing in this awesome responsibility called motherhood. It is so easy for our identity to get wrapped up in how “successful” we are by the world’s standards or even our own expectations of what we think a “successful” mother looks like. We all want the very best for our children and we want to give them every opportunity to succeed in this life. There is nothing wrong with these desires in and of themselves. However, the danger lies in the motivation behind the desire and what our heart really wants. If our identity and self worth as a mother is dependant on how polite our children are, how early they can read, how many friends they have, what is on their report card, or what college they attend, we are going to be disappointed and frustrated when they do something that threatens our image as a mother. We will be crushed and feel like a failure if we do not pause and remember what our true identity is and where it is found.
As a new mother, I am learning the fine art of grocery shopping with an infant. My son’s car seat is too large to sit on top of the shopping cart, so he will sit in his seat down in the bottom of the cart. I did not realize that this would cause such looks of displeasure from other mothers, but I continue down each aisle piling groceries underneath my cart and all around my son to where he is hardly visible. As groceries slide out from the bottom of my cart onto the floor, I seem to leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind. Again, this raises serious looks of displeasure from the other mothers who seem to have it all together with their groceries arranged perfectly in their cart, a child who has not just spit up all over the floor, and a cup of Starbucks coffee in their hand. By the looks that I receive, I wonder if I am somehow doing something wrong. It doesn’t take long for that sinking feeling to creep into my heart that I am somehow a failure as a mother. The feeling of insecurity seems to cover my heart like a blanket…, but not a warm blanket, and ice cold one. All of a sudden my identity and self worth are called into question and I feel threatened. You may be thinking, “Erin, this is so petty”, and you are right. You may also be thinking, “how can you feel like a failure as a mother when your child is only 6 months old and you haven’t even faced the real challenges in life yet”? The answer to this is simple…, I have forgotten the Gospel and who I am in Christ! I have allowed the world’s standards and opinions to take precedence in my heart and dictate my emotions rather than going back to what scripture says about my identity. The end result is that I start believing I am completely inadequate as a mother.
In the past 6 months of new motherhood, I have wrestled with the same thoughts and feelings that every mother, young or old, wrestles with from time to time. Am I good enough? How do I measure up? Am I doing enough for my child? Have I done enough? Am I wise enough? When I am faced with the daily struggle of an identity crisis, I must return to God’s Word and what it says about my true identity. My identity is not that of a mother, but that of a child…., and not just any child, God’s child! What a precious promise scripture gives us! I must ask myself, “how does knowing that truth affect the way that I live my life when I am constantly bombarded by judgmental glances, books and magazines, infomercials and websites, all telling me what to do to make sure that I am measuring up as a mother”? Are your anxious thoughts about motherhood overwhelming and consuming? Do they steal the joy in raising your children? Do they rob you of sleep at night and debilitate you during the day? Does fear of failure or insecurity hold you in its fierce grip? If so dear mother, may I encourage you to take it all to the foot of the cross and lay it at Jesus’ feet. May we all hit the pause button of our busy lives and remember who we are in Christ. We are His beloved children! Isaiah 49: 15,16 says, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands”.
So, on this most special day set apart to honor mothers, may you find much joy, peace and contentment in your life as you embrace who you are in Christ Jesus. May you not forget that you are first a child, a child of the Most High.
Written by:
Erin P. Joye...., “Mother’s Day” May 2009
