"Insight.......

It's been a long 6 days recovering from an unexpected surgery - especially not being able to pick up Elijah Brooks (naptime and bedtime have been especially difficult for both of us). He really has done so well for the past few days and has just gone with the flow - until today. Today was a hard day. I think he is pretty much over his mommy not being able to take care of him like he is used to. We attempted to go to church tonight, thinking he would enjoy getting out of the house and going to his class. It didn't go so well, so we left and came home early. On the way home he was unusually quiet, until I heard him say this, "I forgive mommy's tummy", as if to say that the boo boo's on my tummy have somehow hurt him or made him sad.

That simple statement was so profound, and gave me great insight into what he is feeling.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

"Wild Week"....

It's been an interesting week. We just returned home a few minutes ago from our 3rd week of foster care training - my head is spinning. Too much to process at the moment. So much sadness, so much hurt, and so much need for the Gospel to change and transform lives. As I work through my own emotions in regards to this new journey we are on, I keep being bombarded by thoughts in my head saying, "Erin, you can't do this. You aren't equipped for this. This is too big for you" ; while at the very same time I am hearing, "You are right. You can't do this. You aren't equipped for this, and it is too big for you"......., BUT NOT FOR ME. You can't do this, but I can. You aren't equipped for this, but I will equip you - DO YOU TRUST ME?" Even as I wrote 3 weeks ago about my own fears and insecurities about this, I am finding that I must daily choose which voice I am going to listen to, and I do mean daily. I have a feeling that I am going to be at this crossroad alot while on this journey. I am going to do my best to update as much as I can and be as transparent as I feel comfortable being. I long for authenticity in people - I wish more people would just be honest and admit that they don't have it all together. Well, I am the first to admit that I don't have it all together and am quite anxious about this next step of our lives - though I am very excited to see how God is going to change me through all of this. I definitely need some refining in my own life.

Okay, switching gears. I had surgery. Yep, I had somewhat of an unexpected and time-sensitive (aka, emergency) surgery 6 days ago. I drove 1 1/2 hours for a 2nd opinion, thinking I was coming home right after the appointment, and wound up staying overnight for surgery the following morning. I am not sure I have ever been led more clearly by the Holy Spirit to a particular time and place before. The way the entire ordeal unfolded in a matter of hours was truly the Lord's protection of me. I am so thankful to have a God who is in every single detail of my life. I am doing fine - sore and still trying to regain my energy - but otherwise fine. I just haven't been able to pick up Elijah Brooks in 6 days which is killing me, but hopefully that's coming soon. I miss him and he misses me. He has been such a trooper through this whole ordeal and has been the most precious little nurse. He has brought me all kinds of important items while lying in bed like a truck, a sock, a spoon, some stickers, and some syrup (that was the best). He has been as patient with me as I have ever seen him and asks numerous times a day to see mommy's boo boo's. He is definitely gaining back some good "daddy time" that he has been missing recently so that's been good for both of them. I am getting stronger every day and hope to be able to pick up my sweet boy in a few more days.

Okay, I am tired. This is an abrupt ending to a somewhat random post.

Good night!