"Christmas Eve Pictures"

Here are some Christmas Eve pictures to go along with previous post.  

A sweet brother/sister moment in Mimi's chair, and of course with beloved lightsaber

This face says it all.  She was loving every second of "digging" through Mimi and Papa's Christmas tree to get to the ornaments.  This was about 1 minute before that ornament turned to DUST on the floor!  It shattered into dust particles! So sorry Mimi - I still feel really bad! 

Counting leaves on what he thought might be a four-leaf clover

I love that my kids get to run wild and free at my grandparents house. I am always scared they will break something inside (ornament = exhibit A), so we stay outside as much as we can! 

Her very 1st Christmas meal.  I think it was a hit. 

It didn't take long before she got the hang of opening gifts 

Enjoying watching brother open his gifts from E-daddy's lap 

One day I will post about EB's obsession with Star Wars, but here he is explaining the gift that he gave to me on Christmas Eve.  EB bought me a lego Star Wars sticker book in an effort to teach me more about it! I am not exaggerating when I say that I play Star Wars with him 10 times a day, and truly have no idea what I am doing - but he doesn't seem to care.  Half the time, Hans Solo, Yoda, Luke Skywalker, Darthvader, Ventress, Annakin, Obi-wan Kenobi (and every other character), could be "going to the ice cream shop" together in their ships and that suits him just fine. I have finally taken some pressure off of myself, realizing that he doesn't care at all if our game makes sense or follows the plot at all - all he cares about is if I enter his world and play "make believe" with him.  I won't lie and say that he doesn't hear, "Mommy is going to be mommy now" quite often during the day!  He would play this all day long. His imagination is in overdrive these days, and he lives in a make believe world. 

Earlier in the day, Christmas Eve morning, I was out taking a walk around the neighborhood and praying as I often do while I am out walking.  I was trying to focus my mind and my heart and gear up for the day, not really knowing what this day was going to look like for my family. It was so overcast and dreary - and so windy.  I vividly remember walking around the corner and the dark clouds were hanging so low over my head....., I even reached up thinking I could touch one. The wind was blowing so quickly that the clouds seemed to be flying - not sure I have ever seen clouds move so quickly. I remember thinking to myself this thought, "God, maybe you are moving these dark clouds away so quickly to make room for the light - YOUR light that was coming on Christmas. And maybe, just maybe, this day wouldn't be as dark for my family as I thought it would probably be. Maybe that's why the clouds are moving so quickly".  I kind of dismissed the thought and continued on my walk, and continued throughout my day. I had not thought about it anymore until we pulled up in the parking lot of our church and I saw the sun - for the 1st time all day long. It had been dreary and overcast all day long until this moment - 30 minutes before the Christmas Eve service was to begin.  And there it was......, the light - the LIGHT had come afterall and had burst through my darkness.  It was then that I remembered my thought earlier that morning on my walk.  I stood there in the parking lot trying to take it all in, in awe of God once again.  He always shows up in our darkness. 

Photos taken from the parking lot of our church, December 24, 2012 at 4:30pm 

"Christmas Eve 2012"

Christmas Eve has always been my favorite day of the year. There is just something about the anticipation of waiting. When I was younger, and quite possibly even into adulthood, I confess the waiting wasn't for the Christ child to be born and burst through this darkened world and into my darkened heart. It was waiting for music, family, gifts, the sights and sounds of the season, and the traditions - and all of those things are good things, when kept in perspective. This year has been different. I am finding myself waiting for Christ more than ever before. I just want Him to come back and take us all out of this world of suffering. I want Him to hurry and defeat sin and evil and sickness and suffering once and for all. But I know that His timing is not mine, so here I am - waiting. I am waiting with hope though, because I know the end of the story.

Christmas Eve was heart-wrenching, lonely, happy, strange, sad and beautiful. I once again, experienced such a myriad of emotions as I often have over the past year. There were moments of panic, anxiety, and intense wrestling in my own spirit as I looked everywhere for my sister. But there were equal moments of a deep, abiding contentment knowing that she is safe in the arms of Jesus. There were also times of overwhelming thankfulness for Christ and what His coming means for me - His forgiveness, my assurance of salvation, the promise of eternal life, and that He is with me in the here and now, carrying me through each second of my life. I feel quite sure that Jesus had a rather large bottle to catch my ocean of tears this year - tears for so many reasons.

I am humbled that I have had many opportunities to sing this December in several different venues. When Elliot first received her diagnosis, I shut down musically for nearly a year. I then made a promise to the Lord in August of this year that I would begin singing again with His help. And even though it was very hard to reach deep inside of me and find that joy again, with His help, I am beginning to find joy in music once again. It is healing for me to sing - still quite hard - but healing on some level. I know most of us can sing Christmas carols with our eyes closed, but this year, I focused on the text of the carols in a way that I have never done before. I was moved to tears nearly every verse of every carol - the theology is so rich and the truth of the Gospel hit me right between the eyes and pierced my heart like never before. I have seen Jesus this year - I have experienced Him - I have known Him - I have loved and been loved by Him - I have been in awe of Him - I have been fearful of Him - I have been curious about Him  - I have come to Him in angst - and I have stilled my soul before Him.

I was given a wonderful opportunity to sing on Christmas Eve this year for a church that is not my home church. I attended the 5:00pm service at my own church, and then my parents and I did something different this year - we drove downtown to one of the most beautiful churches in the city and I sang for the midnight Christmas Eve service. I began singing at 10:00 and finished at 12:30am - on Christmas Day. Throughout this service, there were ample opportunities for personal, quiet reflection. It was one of the most beautiful services I have ever attended, and then to have been able to sing was such an honor. My Dad talks often about "thin places" - where the temporal and the spiritual realm are bridged and the gap narrows. As I was singing during this service, and allowing God to do whatever He wanted to do in my own heart, I felt as if the veil had been lifted somewhat, and Heaven wasn't all that far away. I immersed myself into the music, the text, Scripture, Communion, and just allowed Christ's love to wash over me and burst through into my broken heart. Isn't this why He came? He came for the brokenhearted, He came for the lonely, He came to fix this dark and broken world, He came to defeat sickness and sin and bring light and hope and peace - Love came down....., and during the quietness of that Christmas Eve service, my heart sensed it, it felt it, it believed it.  I am still a very broken woman with a very broken heart as I mourn the loss of my sister, but I thank God that He gave me those several hours of beauty and of truth. Yes, the church was gorgeous, the smells of incense and pine were intoxicating, the music was heavenly, but JESUS CHRIST WAS BEAUTIFUL. The veil was lifted for a brief moment in time and Jesus showed us Himself, that He is here with us - Emmanuel, God with us. We are saved from our helplessness, from our loneliness, and from our pain...., and we are not alone - Emmanuel, God with us. 

My precious parents and I walked out of the church at 12:30 in the morning in dense fog that enveloped us like a blanket saying, "Merry Christmas" to each other through our tears, knowing that we had all seen Jesus - and Jesus was with Elliot and she was with Him, so really she wasn't that far away from us either.

Christmas Eve this year was so full of emotions, but so full of Jesus. I can only imagine the beauty that my sister beheld that evening. Doesn't it make you just long for His return?  (lyrics below from one of my hundreds of favorite Christmas songs, "E'en so Lord Jesus Quickly Come").

Peace be to you and grace from Him, who freed us from our sin. Who loved us all, and shed his blood, that we might saved be.

Sing holy, holy to our Lord, The Lord almighty God. Who was and is, and is to come, sing holy, holy Lord.

Rejoice in heaven, all ye that dwell therein, rejoice on earth, ye saints below. For Christ is coming, is coming soon, for Christ is coming soon.

E'en so Lord Jesus quickly come, and night shall be no more. They need no light, no lamp, nor sun, for Christ will be their All. 

"A thought by EB"...

"I love Jesus 'gooder' than mac' n' cheese"!

"More somewhat randomness".....

I am trying so hard to keep my blog up to date, so even when I don't have much to say - which happens to be right now as my heart is so heavy with Christmas fast approaching and my sister is not physically with us - I am still posting pictures of the kids and trying to keep this thing current.

So once again, more pictures of our "December happenings".

Zoo Christmas lights with cousins 

Playing Christmas carols with E-daddy 

Exploring in the backyard at Bebe and E-daddy's 

Chillin' out with Bradford 

Playing in the rain on a warm December afternoon - these were mine and my sister's umbrella's 

Playing in a large UPS box on another rainy December afternoon - Bradford and Elijah Brooks were playing a game where the UPS man brought mommy and Aunt Elliot back from Heaven, and left her wrapped up in a box on the doorstep for Christmas. I am in awe at how this precious 4 year olds are processing their grief. They both do it through imaginary play, with games like this that they make up every time they are together.  It breaks my heart wide open to listen to and watch them, but at the same time I am so thankful that they are talking and grieving through games like these rather than anger - there is certainly anger that comes out too, but was thankful for this particular moment even through the heartache. I ache for all of the children in this world without a parent - no child should have to go through this. 

And of course, Elijah Brooks' very 1st Christmas play at school!  The pictures are terribly quality, but at least I captured the moment.  He was the tallest angel in his class :) 

He sang every word of every song - not surprising 

I absolutely love the "Rocky Balboa" look! His halo looks like a sweatband with his bangs coming over the top. 

Celebrating after the play with cousin Bradford, and sucker of course 

"Some December Happenings"....

EB's nutcracker that he painted - perfect table decoration

At the Capitol City Christmas parade with Bebe and E-daddy 

Loving the parade 

Loving my "cousin time" with my cousin and best friend, Lauren 

The Capitol tree 

She loved every second of the parade - was slightly overstimulated when we got home and was up nearly all night! 

Ellison wanting so much to give baby Lainey some "love"

Miss Priss dancing the night away 

Slowed her down just long enough to grab a quick picture, and then she was off again 

Breakfast with Santa the next morning 

Yep, that's my girl - eating everything in sight, right off the table

He was loving the puppet show 

She was too 

I thought this was such a precious face he was making 

Very proud of the ornament he made 

The was the best attempt at a family picture! 

Ringing the Salvation Army bell at Wal-mart 

Our 1st attempt at making "salt dough ornaments"  - thought we would try something besides making cookies and sweets this year

Waiting for the ornaments to bake - this is a very familiar scene in our house 

Finished Christmas tree ornament - make by EB 

Bell made by EB 

Teal angel made by mommy 

Another new tradition that I highly recommend - the Jesse Tree.  I have enjoyed doing this more than anything else this year. 

Just a sampling of the 25 ornaments that will be placed on this tree by Christmas Day - all pointing directly to the promise of Christ's coming through stories of the Old Testament (as of today, we have 21 ornaments on the tree). This will definitely be a new tradition in our home.