"Humbled"

Today is Sunday. It is a dreary day..., no sunshine, just the grey clouds that hang over our little farmhouse in the middle of the country.  Yet, I see beauty all around me.  For you see, today is one more day that we were given to love our baby boy.  It has been a hard day for Elijah Brooks. He can't quite seem to discern whether he is hungry, or tired, happy, or sad.  I have been humbled today as I sat down with a cup of coffee and read someone's blog..., someone I don't even know.  This mother recently lost her baby girl, one week after she was born.  I feel ashamed today, as I think back over our day today.  I am ashamed as I have witnessed my own selfishness rise to a new level simply because I didn't get my own way today.  I wanted to go to church so badly, for it has been 3 months since I have been to church with Elijah Brooks.  Each Sunday, I have had the best of intentions. I take record fast showers, throw on my clothes, only to get spit up and poop on them and have to change clothes.  I have to strategically plan with my son will eat, so that I can "plan" on when he will spit up (trying to avoid that happening in the middle of the sermon). I have to then plan when I "think" that he might sleep so as to avoid the cries of an exhausted child in the middle of the choir's reverent anthem.  I thought, surely today is the day!  We were both dressed for church..., Elijah Brooks in his adorable blue corderoy outfit, and me in something other than sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt.  Daddy was already at church waiting on our anticipated arrival.  I was so excited to finally be able to walk down the aisle holding Elijah Brooks in my arms, on our way to listen to Daddy preach the children's sermon.  Today, our baby was tired. He was hungry. He was mad. He was sad. He was happy. All of this seemed to happen at the same time and he was confused and frustrated...., and so was Mommy.  With every minute that passed, it was becoming very apparent that my "perfect" plan was quickly unraveling.  I thought to myself, and even said aloud a few times, "why do I even bother? It's obvious that I won't ever get to go to church ever again".  Well, of course I know that is not true and simply came from the heart of a mother who is tired (not much sleep last night).  We will eventually get to go to church with Daddy one day..., just not today.  Maybe we'll try next week. And if that doesn't happen, well, we will just try the next week. 

So, as I sit here in tears, having just read about a mother whose arms are empty today because she doesn't have her baby to hold, I just thank God for today...., a day of confusion and a day of frustration...., a day of being inconvenienced because my precious son needed me. How could I be so selfish? Just being upset because I didn't get "my way".  I too lost a baby in 2006 and spent years praying for my womb to be filled again with life.  

I thank God that I am able to gaze into my baby's beautiful, blue eyes everyday. I get to kiss his little toes morning and night. I get to feel the tight grasp of his tiny fingers around my fingers. I get to be the one to comfort him when he is in pain, or just simply exhausted. I am the blessed one who he looks to for nourishment, and who is deeply satisfied that I can provide that for him.  I am thankful to hear his hearty squeals in the middle of the night..., just knowing that he is alive. I am thankful that I don't get to nap during the day because that means that I am taking care of my son.  I am thankful for the nighttime feedings which interrupt my sleep for that means that he is healthy and growing.  I am even thankful for spit up and poop on my clothes!  

Elijah Brooks, you are loved more than you can ever imagine.  You are napping peacefully on Daddy's chest right now and all I can do is silently whisper, "thank you Jesus". 

"Candid Shots"

Sleeping peacefully! 

Tummy time!  I hate this! 

First time focusing on a book! 

Sitting in the bed with Daddy. 

In my swing. 

"Reflux part 2"

As you can tell from the title of this post, Elijah Brooks' reflux started acting up again about a week ago.  I could tell that things were starting to go downhill last week when he started screaming during and after every feeding.  It is absolutely heartbreaking to see him hurting and scared.  All I can do is hold him during the episode and whisper in his ear that it's all going to be okay.  Jay and I decided that we needed to take him to the doctor to find out what we needed to do to help him.  Well, when they weighed him, we were all surprised to see that he weighs over 14 lbs now.  The weight gain is a wonderful thing and we are so grateful that in the midst of the reflux, he is still gaining weight.  Anyway, his doctor said that his current dosage of Zantac was no longer working because it is very sensitive to weight fluctuations. Basically, the medicine couldn't keep up with his weight gain.  So, she increased his dosage on Monday.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were just awful.  My precious Mom had driven up from Alabama to help me while Jay was on a skiing trip with our youth group from church.  She was a tremendous help...., she has such a servant's heart.  Dad, if you are reading this, thank you for sharing her with me for a week.  Jay came home from church Wednesday night only to find me in tears on the couch.  Thursday morning, I woke up early and went and sat on the kitchen floor and just poured my heart out to the Lord.  (Don't ask why I was sitting on the kitchen floor because honestly, I don't know)!!   My exact prayer was, "Lord, please bring peace to our household again. Please bring peace and comfort to my precious baby. Please Lord come quickly to help him".  

I am truly overwhelmed by what the Lord has, in HIS grace and mercy, done for our family.  For the past 2 days, Elijah Brooks has had NO reflux!  I truly believe that the Lord listened to my prayer and poured His mercy upon us because the reflux subsided the very moment I prayed.  He brought peace to our family and comfort to my baby.  I have no idea what tomorrow will hold for Elijah Brooks' reflux, it may return, it may not..., but I do know that my faith has grown tremendously through all of this.   Our Savior is not some genie in a bottle that we can ask things of and always get what we want...., I know that.  I know that He does not always answer us in the way that we want..., but He will always answer in the way that is best for us.  I find myself more often than not, saying as Peter said, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief".  I do believe that the Lord will hear my prayers, but more often than not, I contradict the very thing that I say I believe by worrying, being anxious fearful, and not trusting in God's goodness and His Sovereignty.  God is Sovereign..., even over reflux!  I must remember this truth if his reflux flares up tomorrow.  I am so grateful for relief for Elijah Brooks..., even if it's only for a day. 

I do thank God for showing me yet again how much He loves me and for being so compassionate towards a mother, who prayed on behalf of her son and whose tears fell upon  his face. 

"Beautiful"

"I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made".  Psalm 139:14

"The Bottle"

I have been putting off introducing a bottle to Elijah Brooks for awhile now.  He has just been doing so well nursing and I was afraid to do anything to mess up the system!  But starting Tuesday evening, I would like to resume my rehearsals with the Charlotte Symphony Chorus.  It is a 3 hour rehearsal, plus drive time, so I knew that if I wanted to start singing again Elijah Brooks would need to learn how to take a bottle so I could leave him home with Jay. I really don't want to give him bottles very much because I just love nursing him so much. But, it will be good for him to know how to take one in the event of an emergency. Not to mention, I know that Jay will love feeding him and having that bonding time with him. 

I tried 3 different bottles, none of which he wanted anything to do with.  Last night I was having dinner with some friends and was sharing my woes. One of them gave me a new nipple to try on a bottle. It is an orthodontic nipple that is shaped like his pacifier..., which he already knows how to latch on to.  So today I had Jay try to feed him and much to our surprise, he latched right on and downed several ounces!!  I will try again tomorrow just to make sure that it wasn't a fluke.  Looks like I can start singing again! 

"Bouncy Seat"

 

I promise I like my bouncy seat...

Trying to prove it! 

Is that a smile? 

I think it might be...

I love my bouncy seat!! 

"PRAISE"!

HORRAY FOR ELIJAH BROOKS SLEEPING 9 HOURS STRAIGHT LAST NIGHT (and no, he is not sick)!!!!!  I am not naive enough to think that this will be how it is for the next 10 years of his life, or even tomorrow night...., but for this moment, I am rejoicing!  We may not enjoy the beauty and luxury of 7 hours of sleep for ourselves tomorrow night, so we relish in the present moment!   

NEWS FLASH:  He just woke up from a 3 hour nap this morning!!!!  For those of you wondering why I am making such a big deal about this, see previous entry! 

Again, tomorrow may be a different story, but why think about that right now.  Today, I choose to rejoice! 

"Backwards"

Okay, am I the only one out there who has an 8 week old who LOVES to sleep at night, but does not like to sleep during the day?  I am very confused. This seems completely backwards to me. However, if I have to have a choice I must say that I kind of like this system...., until Monday when I have to start work again from home and my child doesn't like to sleep during the day! 

Thoughts anyone?? 

"Big Boy"!

His onesie says, "Don't hate the player, hate the playdate"! 

Smiling at Daddy! 

SO BIG!  Almost 2 months old. 

"Sisters and their Babies"

Elijah Brooks and cousin Bradford in their matching Christmas outfits that Bebe made!

Me and my sister Elliot holding our babies who are 3 months apart. 

"Cousins"

Elijah Brooks met his cousins for the 1st time over Christmas! He met Makenzie and Parker Watson and Wyatt and Bradford Williams.  Makenzie had such a wonderful time talking to Elijah Brooks.  She is 8 years old and is at the perfect age to really enjoy babies. We told her to talk to him and tell him anything she wanted to. She took us up on that and she talked about everything! He would just look up at her and smile. Parker is 5 and he was very sweet and gentle to Elijah Brooks also. Bradford is 5 months old and she was adorable reaching out to him. She especially enjoyed grabbing his hands. They "talked" to each other in baby talk and would make each other smile! My favorite moment was when I walked out of the room the first morning that we arrived in Montgomery, and Wyatt met me and the baby at the door and said in the sweetest voice, "hey Elijah Brooks, I brought you a present".  Wyatt ran downstairs and brought the present back up to him and said, "it's a bulldozer"!  

"Grown Up"?

Jay riding on Wyatt's new roller-coaster! 

Jay playing with HIS new remote control helicopter! 

"Meet the Great-Grandparents"

                 




Jay and I are so blessed to have 6 grandparents in good health. Elijah Brooks was able to meet all 6 of his great-grandparents over Christmas! 

"New Purchase"

Considering I seem to be pretty fragile these days in terms of ligaments, tendons, muscles etc..., the last thing that I need is to pull a muscle in my back or shoulders carrying around my big 13 lb baby!  Jay purchased an "Ergo Baby Carrier" for me and it is wonderful! The straps are like backpack straps and are very sturdy. It has so many safety features also which I love. There is a waist buckle adding extra support and also strap that buckles across my shoulder blades for the same purpose. It is a carrier that can "grow" with Elijah Brooks.  Right now, we wrap him up like a taco and he sits sideways in the carrier with his head resting on the infant head support. When he gets bigger, he will be able to sit straddled in front of me or I can wear him on my back.  I love having him so close to me and I love that I have my hands free to do things around the house. Just had to share our new purchase!  I highly recommend this to other parents.