"Still grieving....."

3 years post Elliot's homegoing, I wasn't anticipating having to answer questions from my baby girl about her Aunt. "Aunt Elliot" has been a part of Ellison's vocabulary since her birth, but I guess I just didn't think the questions would come, or that she would also have to experience her own grief because she was so young.  I am not sure why I didn't think about this before now. Perhaps it's because I am finally beginning to think with any sense of clarity. What I am discovering is that Ellison's grief is completely different from the rest of ours. We are grieving what we knew and lost. Ellison is grieving what never was for her, she is grieving what she never knew, and that is a huge loss for this little girl. 

Last night, as I was lying in bed with her, she began talking about Aunt Elliot out of the blue. To my knowledge, there had been no prior conversations with her recently. She started singing (to the tune of "God is so good"), "I love Aunt Elliot, I love Aunt Elliot, I love Aunt Elliot, but I don't love that she is in Heaven".  She then proceeded to ask me point blank, why she was in Heaven? Why would God take her there away from her family? Why did she have to go away? She then asked me again, point blank, what happened?  She continued with questions, and then became more agitated saying, "I want to see her. It's not right that I never got to see her (she was only 4 months old when Elliot went Home), I want to see her Mommy".  I answered her questions to the best of my ability, all the while feeling her pain, anguish, and anger over the entire thing, and I too wanted to start demanding to see her. We kept talking for alittle while, and I hoped my answers were satisfying to her and truthful - as truthful to a 3 year old as I can be.  She settled down and then said, "well, God told me I will see her and that He will take me there when I am about 80 or 90".  

And the journey continues......., God give us grace.