"Ellison, and her namesake"....

Ellison was named after her Aunt Elliot before Elliot's diagnosis.  We named her in August of 2011, and Elliot was diagnosed in September 2011.  I remember exactly where I was when I called my sister to tell her the name that God had given us. I was lying down on our guest bed one afternoon when Elijah Brooks was napping, and I called her. She was over the moon honored and excited. Elliot was the only person who knew the name of our daughter until she was born. Sister's do that kind of thing. They share secrets with each other that no one else knows. There is a bond there that nothing can compare, and nothing can sever. I know not all sister's share this bond, but Elliot and I did, and I consider myself one of the most blessed women on this earth because of it. Elliot was also the only person who knew Elijah Brooks' name also - I still remember exactly where I was when I called her back in 2008 - was lying down on my bed (there seems to be a theme here)!  Elliot, Ellison, and Elijah all have the same Hebrew root, "Eli", meaning, "The Lord is my God".  As I now think back over this past year and what Elliot, Ellison, and Elijah have all endured, it is only because THE LORD IS THEIR GOD. That is the only way that any of them have been able to withstand such tribulation.  When Elliot was diagnosed, I was just getting ready to enter my 3rd trimester of pregnancy with Ellison. Elliot was so concerned about me and the baby even though she herself was the one who was fighting for her life. I am honestly not sure who was more excited that I was pregnant, me or Elliot. Even through her illness, she continued to think about me and Ellison at times more than herself. It was never about Elliot in her mind even through her illness, it was always about me and the baby.  I do remember her telling me one October afternoon, "I just really hope I get to meet her" - Ellison was due in January.  I thought she was talking crazy, but there was fear and uncertainty in her voice. That was the only time she ever said anything to me that showed me how fearful she really was. Meeting her namesake was of utmost importance to her, and God was beyond merciful to allow her to be there on Ellison's birthday. In fact, 3 days before she was born, Elliot showed up at my house with a bucket of cleaning supplies and scrubbed my toilets, bathtubs, vacuumed my house, mopped my kitchen floor, and took me to get a pedicure. She had just had a round of chemotherapy about a week before this and I know she felt so run down, so exhausted - but you would have never known it.  If you did not have the privilege of meeting Elliot, this is who she IS - she is the most selfless, sacrificing person that I have ever met. She constantly thinks about others and puts their needs ahead of her own. She willingly and joyfully, put her own needs aside and served me, smiling the entire time saying, "I am so thankful to be giving back and doing something for someone else". That is my sister. Well, God was SO tender and merciful to us and allowed Elliot to be at the hospital when Ellison was born. She was the 1st person to hold her, after me and Jay. My dear friend Anna, offered to be at the hospital to capture these priceless moments with my family, and I am beyond thankful that we have the treasures that we do in photos. Little did we know at the time, what was ahead of us in just 4 months.

I do not have many pictures of Elliot with Ellison after January because I was unable to travel to Birmingham for nearly 7 weeks due to Elijah Brooks' broken leg/full cast, and Elliot was unable to travel to us due to her chemotherapy schedule and side effects.  My heart is beyond saddened when I think of nearly 2 months that I didn't get to see my sister as often as I would have liked before the cancer overtook her body, but as a very wise friend put it, "Erin, God hemmed you in your home for a reason". I will never understand why my family had to endure so many challenges at one time, but I have decided that possibly "God hemmed me in" so that Elliot and her family could be together as much as possible without anyone else in their home. Otherwise, I may have moved in with them - that's what I wanted to do. But, I will never know the memories that Chris and the children have with Elliot that they may otherwise never have had. Chris tells me I am right. So in that thought, my heart finds some peace.

I do not have many pictures of the two of them, but the ones that I have are indeed priceless. They are some of my greatest treasures, and I hope they will be a treasure to Ellison as well one day.



My dearest daughter, Ellison Anne,
You didn't have the opportunity to truly know how much you were loved by your Aunt Elliot, but we will all tell you how much you were loved by her for the rest of your life. You WILL KNOW her, even though you only knew her for 4 months. She loved you like you were her own daughter. She was the first person to know that you were in my tummy, she was the first person to know your beautiful name, and she was the first person to hold you. She held you as much as she possibly could every time I would bring you to visit her. You would sit in your bouncy seat on her bed next to her, kick your legs and squeal, and she would smile. You had a way of bringing a smile to her face that no one else could. Even when she was at her sickest, you brought a smile to her face, light to her eyes, and joy to her heart. She told me numerous times how deep the bond was between the two of you and how connected she felt to you - she never told me why, but I just rested in the fact that the bond between you was deep and strong. I figured the two of you knew what that bond was, so I didn't try to figure it out - that was between you and her. Before she got sick, she bought you the most adorable clothes that make you even more beautiful than you already are. Remember dear daughter of mine, clothes are not what makes a woman beautiful. But, each time you wear these outfits I feel close to my sister, especially the "butterfly" outfit. I have to believe she chose that one with purpose - even before she became sick. The last week of your Aunt's life, you and I spent about 12 hours in the hospital for 10 days straight.  You took your naps in stranger's arms, on beds in patient's rooms that were unoccupied, and on random shoulders. You spent your waking hours being strolled, playing on a blanket on the hospital waiting room floor, and in your pack n' play. You were nursing every 2 hours, but you were only with me when you were nursing. The other times you were in the waiting room with someone else so that I could be at Aunt Elliot's bedside every second. When it was time for you to nurse, someone would send me a text and I would come to the waiting room to get you.  After you would eat, I would usually bring you to the room to see Aunt Elliot for just a minute before sending you back out with a friend to take care of you. You left a trail of spit up down the long, windy hallways each day!!  We all laughed about that - every one knew where you could be found!  You did bring so many smiles to so many people during those 10 days. I can never thank you enough for serving me in the ways that you did during that time. You didn't even know what you were doing, but God was allowing you to serve me in countless ways, so that I could serve my sister. I have no regrets about the last 10 days of my sister's life because I was with her every second that I possibly could because you, my dearest daughter (who were only 4 months old at the time), were covered by the Holy Spirit. God has had His hand on you since before you were conceived, and His mighty hand is still upon you. You were a minister to so many people on the UAB gynecological oncology floor - nurses, doctors, patients, friends, and family. Those 10 days were the hardest, most heart-wrenching days of my life, but I must share with you one moment that I will treasure forever. I have already told you how much Aunt Elliot loved you, how happy you made her, and how peaceful she was when you were in her presence. Several days, maybe 3 or 4, before she met Jesus in Heaven, she did something remarkable. She didn't have much strength at all, and could hardly lift her fingers off the bed. However, one moment I brought you into her room. I wasn't sure how much she could see you or how aware she was that you were in the room. You were in my arms and I walked up beside her bed. She popped her eyes wide open, lifted her arms straight out in front of her, and grabbed you out of my arms.  We were in shock. We weren't sure if she had the strength to hold you, so Bebe was on one side and I was on the other. But, she cradled you and held you close to her and loved you so well and so deeply for just a few seconds. Once those seconds were over, she fell back asleep. That was the last time she held you, but it is a moment I will treasure in my heart forever. Sweet girl, the bond between the two of you was so great that nothing was going to stop her from holding you close to her heart.  I share all of this with you because I want you to know how loved you are - by so many people - but how loved you are by your beautiful Aunt Elliot.  I know she is watching over you from her new home in Heaven, and rest assured my beautiful baby girl, we will see her again, and she will hold you just as close as she did that brief, fleeting, and powerful moment in time.

It is my prayer for you Ellison, that just as your names are similar, that the way you live your life will also be similar - that you will love God and love people, just like Aunt Elliot.  Never forget, THE  LORD IS YOUR GOD.

I love you, always and forever,
Mommy

Holding on tight, both of you