"Change is Inevitable"....

The winds of change continue to visit our family. Tis the season for change, and great challenges for my immediate family. It has been a terribly difficult year for my family, yet we are all still standing by God's grace alone. Surely He does not give us more than we can bear - I know this to be true because He promises in His Word. I also know that His strength is made perfect in our weakness - He tells me that is true. He also tells me that trouble will come in this world, but assures me that He will never leave nor forsake me. Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

This past Sunday, my family (minus Jay), drove to Birmingham to participate in an Ovarian Cancer cycle-thon to raise money for Ovarian Cancer research. We were riding bikes on "Team Elliot" and were having a wonderful time. I was so proud of my amazing sister, who even during her chemotherapy treatments, hopped up on her bike and rode for an hour!  She is such an inspiration.  After riding my bike, I went to a back room to nurse Ellison.  Elijah Brooks went to the playground with his cousins and their grandparents to play while the other adults were riding their bikes. My brother-in-law Chris, came back to tell me that Elijah Brooks was crying saying his leg hurt. I went to check on him, and as soon as I saw his face I knew something was terribly wrong. You just know your child like no one else does. Somehow I scooped up that huge boy and took him to the back room to try to calm him down and get him to tell me what happened.  His face was so pale and he was screaming uncontrollably - this is the child who rarely cries and has a very high tolerance for pain. He was unable to be consoled and I just knew in my heart that something was really wrong. I didn't know if it was his leg, his foot, or his knee - bone or ligament - but just knew I had to get him to the ER. I  know children cry and have a hard time settling down, but again, a mother knows her child.  I have never had a hard time calming him down since he was a baby. We had to leave the Cancer event and drive him to the ER, and it was an awful drive.  Every bump, every turn, sent him into screaming pain.  I will spare details of our ER visit because quite honestly, it was pretty traumatic for me and him. However, through the tears, he looked up at the doctor and said, "I am going to be strong like Samson".  Oh, break a momma's heart open even further! Then while he was literally coming off the table through horrific screaming he told the nurse, "I'm just so worried about me".  I am so thankful that I had my amazing brother-in-law Chris with me and my parents. Jay had to stay home because of church responsibilities.  I also had Ellison at the hospital with us and had to nurse her about 4 times while we were there, all the while trying to comfort my other child who was in terrible pain - very, very hard on a momma's heart to be so pulled. After excruciating x-rays and murderous IV's, it was confirmed that the poor child had broken his leg in 2 places. He had to be sedated so that the bones could be re-set, and then he was put in a cast from his hip to his toes.  He will be in his cast for 6 weeks and will not be able to put any weight on his foot the entire 6 weeks - so no walking boot.

So, here I am 5 days later (I have been trying to write this post for the past 4 days), with a very active 3 year old little boy who is completely immobilized and has to be carried everywhere - and an 8 week old newborn.  Enough said.

The first 48 hours were excruciating for him and for us. He was in an enormous amount of pain, but it does seem to be subsiding somewhat. He still hurts pretty badly, but is not screaming in pain like he has been. We are trying to get into some sort of routine and are trying to figure out exactly how to manage all of this.  He had become so independent around here, so it was getting easier to care for both him and Ellison.  However now, I have 2 children who are completely dependent on me and both want/need me 24 hours a day. Every minute of the day, one of the children need me. He has really done remarkably well handling this. However, reality is beginning to set in now - the reality being that he can't walk - at all. We were able to get him in a wagon today to ride around the neighborhood just to get some fresh air.  Every day, he and I are outside running, chasing, riding bikes, tractors etc....., so for him to have to be still for this long is terribly challenging. Today he said, "mommy, are you sure my leg is going to be okay"?  I assured him that it would eventually be okay, but for right now, we just have to be patient and wait for God to heal him. Kind of ironic that my last post was about all of my conversations about patience with him! He has been showing alot of frustration and anger at times this week, which is all completely normal. But, it is very uncharacteristic of him and that has been really hard for me to watch. Some minutes, it's like he is not even my child, but I really can't blame him.  I would be having a hard time if it was me - but he can't verbalize or really comprehend how he feels, so all he knows to do is just get frustrated or angry.  He isn't like that all of the time, but certainly he is only human, so we are working through that. I just pray daily, even minute by minute, for great discernment with how to help him process all of this. It is a very fine line to show him grace, and also to hold him accountable for his actions/behavior.  We talk alot about pain being inevitable, but misery being optional - of course in terms that he can understand.  Our circumstances may not change, but certainly our hearts can change in the midst of circumstances.

He has already been shown so much love by so many people this week.  We have had precious friends stopping by to bring him "bed activities", games, crafts, movies, balloons etc.....   We are truly being shown the love of Christ by so many people in so many ways.

Our family has been through so much in the past several months and people are loving us well through it all.  I am ready to return the love and blessings shown to us.

God was gracious to give me a few minutes of time with Him this morning while both children were sleeping. He brought to my mind an old hymn that I have not thought about in years called, "Day by Day".   Once I read the first verse, I knew just why God brought that hymn back to my mind.  I read and sang these words this morning and they brought me so much comfort - and assurance that God is still in control and is giving me exactly what I need, day by day. 

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest. 

Happy on the changing table  (7 weeks old)

Beautiful girl (7 weeks old)

Silly boy with big, blue eyes!

Sibling love

Aunt Elliot and Ellison at the Ovarian Cancer cycle-thon

"Cycle Out Cancer" in Birmingham

Dad, riding his heart out for his daughter

And Chris, riding his heart out for his wife

Me, my sister, and my daughter - all wearing teal (color for Ovarian cancer). Even Ellison is in her teal Ergo carrier!

"Cycle-Thon"

This was taken Sunday night, after driving home from the ER in Birmingham

He wasn't feeling very good at all - Ellison was a trooper through all of this. God had His hand on her the entire day.

Just chillin' out

Breakfast in bed

We've been doing alot of this.....

and this.....

and this.

Mom taking a break from getting my house put back together to swing Ellison